Spotting The Moment | Episode 251

1. Being alone is the worst but every day, we walk right past dozens of moments to join others - or be joined by others in comforting and being joined. 

   1. Lex's story about her mom 

   2. Mom didn't realize she was alone

   3. I could have missed an opportunity to comfort. 30 some years later, she could have felt double alone

2. Does anyone else here have a story of you consciously recognizing that significant moment recently in which you intentionally and successfully joined someone? What happened?

3. On the flip side, have you had any moments recently where you looked back and went “D’oh, why didn’t I join that person?”

4. How do we learn to spot the significant moments that can change hearts and minds? (Some of this is familiar - I think around episode 190 or so - but it’s been a while since we’ve discussed it.)

   1. First, just be open to the fact that this day will provide you with opportunities. Be like an emotional “treasure hunter”, and you will begin to see the clues delivered up to you.

   2. What are some of those clues: 

      1. Tired, cranky, short tempered, complaining, gossiping, downcast, negative. Debbie Downer

      2. Scared; fearful

      3. Saying a lot of words but not really saying anything of substance

      4. Overly, unrealistically positive and cheerful

      5. Facebook short video with the thieves and the woman.

   3. Other clues? 

   4. Recognizing and disciplining our “main character syndrome”. This requires”

      1. Humility - the Ethan show

      2. Mindfulness - this moment is the only thing you know

      3. Self-awareness - reading the room

      4. Being objective - really looking at the other person’s point of view empathetically and without judgment

      5. Confirmation bias - letting go of the stories we tell ourselves in order to preserve our own sense of safety and security

   5. Read from any FB feedback…

5. Discuss the spheres we each walk in and the opportunities and strategies - and limitations/legalities - we have to spot the moment and take advantage of it in an effort to get the listeners to begin thinking about their spheres

   1. At the table

      1. Ethan - teenager, student, Seneca.

      2. Chris - teacher, husband

      3. Eric - leader at work, elder at church, son, father, etc.

      4. Brian

   2. Earn the right to be heard. 

      1. You can do this over time. We’ve discussed this in previous episodes

      2. In an instant with a stranger. This might seem odd. How can you earn the right to be heard with someone you just met or are even passing in a store?

         1. Validating their concern/gripe/comment

         2. Speaking confident truth to them that they are seen, heard, loved because we’re all deserving of that as human beings.

   3. Chris is trained as a teacher to spot signs of abuse in kids. Maybe we need to approach emotional responding in a similar way?

6. Application - based on this conversation, how will you be tweaking your emotional radar so that you can better? 

   1. Practice! As we’ve said before, this is a discipline, and like any muscle that’s being worked out, it requires exercise. 

   2. Become resolved to be that emotional “treasure hunter”. Seek these moments out and open yourself up to the fact that each day will bring you moments on a platter. You just have to be aware.

   3. Then you have to take advantage. It’s one thing to recognize significant moments in life. It’s quite another to act on them.