Security | Episode 194

Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 194 is entitled,    “Security”. Are you the type of person who is always checking the doors to see if they're locked?  Do you fear that your partner isn't always telling you the truth?  Does your loved one always hold on to money and not want to splurge?  Do you get a ton of phone calls and texts asking where you are and where you've been?  We'll be talking about the emotional need of security this week at The Table.

Security

1. What is it?

   1. Oxford def - the state of being free from danger or threat. 

   2. LIR def - Ensuring harmony in life and relationships.  This is both in regards to physical and emotional security.   

2. What causes it?

   1. Having it met constantly as a child

   2. NOT having it met as a child

   3. Experiencing relationship trauma 

      1. Being abandoned as a child

      2. Being cheated on as an adult

      3. Getting ghosted by friends

      4. Always being dropped by significant others

   4. Experiencing  breaches in safety/trust

      1. Assault 

      2. Break-ins/loss of property

3. How is it met?

   1. Consistency of upbringing within parenting styles

   2. Stability at home/peace

   3. Constant and consistent meeting of and communication of desired needs

   4. Conflicts are resolved in a productive manner

   5. Fear/threats are encountered without catastrophic results

4. How are we hurt by not receiving it?

   1. Anxiety

   2. Manic behavior

   3. Obsessive behavior

   4. Shame

   5. Alone

5. How do we “steal” it when it is not met?

   1. Obsessive behavior

      1. Emotional security

         1. Constant questions 

         2. Smothering 

         3. Manic “snooping”

         4. Needs for reassurance

      2. Physical

         1. Checking on locks/doors excessively

         2. Manic obsession with spending/finances

         3. Withdrawal from “normal” activities

6. How can we meet one’s need for security?

7. When we do not receive  belonging, how are we hurt?

   1. Fear  

   2. Guilt 

   3. Self Condemnation

   4. Anger