Minimizing | Episode 247

Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 247 is entitled “Minimizing”.  Is someone in your life always insisting that EVERYTHING is just not a big deal…even when it’s a really big deal?  Are they someone who rarely shows emotion except to be frustrated with YOUR emotion?  Are you that person?  We’ll be talking about minimizing at The Table this evening!

Pull up a seat at the table and join us!

Minimizing Outline

1. Simple Description - Significant events are never dealt with

2. Description

   1. Most, if not all, important events are denied or discounted. 

   2. The person tends not to feel or express emotions, so he/she tends to expect or demand the same from others.

   3. Even during life’s major events, little emotion is shown.

   4. The person denies that anything is wrong or that anything troubles him/her.

   5. Reasons to celebrate are downplayed and mourning is avoided

   6. Minimizers are often are impatient with others who show emotions.

   7. Minimizers rely A LOT on Facts, Logic, and Reason

3. Background

   1. The tendency to minimize often comes from homes where personal needs were neglected or overlooked.

   2. Many were “trained” or encouraged to deny their own needs, which promoted losing touch with their own feelings.

   3. To cope with pain, minimizers “shut down” and act as if nothing was wrong.

   4. They may have become self-reliant or self-sufficient.

   5. May have seen this pattern modeled by others important to them.

4. Truth

   1. Some of life’s events are major happenings worth a significant emotional and/or behavioral response.

   2. Jesus came to give abundant life - John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. 

   3. Pain needs to be mourned and comforted.

5. Effect Upon a Relationship

   1. Minimizers tend to verbalize few emotions and expect the same from others around them, often leaving spouses lonely, frustrated, and feeling hurt—particularly during tragic events when little or no feeling is demonstrated.

   2. They deny that anything troubles them, and when pressed to communicate they give facts, opinion, or logical explanations rather than vulnerably sharing their needs and feelings.

6. Overcoming Minimizing

   1. Comfort for the pain of unmet needs may be needed before you are able to recognize that it’s unhealthy to not show emotion when painful feelings have been experienced.

   2. Any productive comfort in the present time  is essential for the hopes of comfort of past hurts

   3. It is also important to rejoice in present time before hoping to comfort

   4. Reassurance that showing emotions is not the same as losing control may need to be given by a partner.

   5. The minimizer should work to verbalize feelings and trust them, along with trusting their partner to comfort them

   6. Example: 

Replace:  “This happens to everyone; I’ll get over it.’

With: ““As I feel my pain, grieve the hurt, and receive comfort from God and others, I’ll get over it.”